Actually, I got pretty beat up my first go around with Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ).
In 2018, I looked pretty good on paper.
Seven figure net worth, guaranteed income north of $30k per month for the foreseeable future.
I also knew the cards were slowly and surely falling.
A year before, I had sold most of my ownership in my very successful Software Services business to my partner, for enough regular payouts to last many people a decade.
And, I had a strong feeling it would run out before I could brew up another business success.
That’s because I was buried so deep in the life I had enabled; so, overburdened with kids, expenses and expectations I felt like I was flying a 747 right into a mountain, slowly but surely.
I had a lot of free time, so I checked out a BJJ gym and showed up right in the middle of a business breakup between the Sensei and the gym owner he was renting some shared space from.
Because I wanted to learn from a Master, had a lot of business skills, and it seemed like an interesting thing to do, I helped him set up his gym.
I secured some capital for him and found ways finance most of the equipment and also the space. I gave him a small loan, and honestly it came out really well. Within a few months the gym was up and running, with a fresh clean space, new mats and even a professionally built sign.
My own experience didn’t go so well.
I didn’t understand some very important philosophy, like not struggling, using technique instead of power and taking things slowly.
My forearms were killing me, my shoulder had constant pain. I also had joined a rough crowd with a lot of drama, both on and off the mat.
And, outside of the gym, my personal world began to disintegrate. All the money I made went into endless buying sprees, expectation to put the kids in the latest brands and expensive vacations to Disney resorts.
Instead of being able to use the space I had created in my life to find new ways to create value and succeed, I simply got more and more buried in expectations I could not meet.
One day, standing in my garage full of all the stuff I'd acquired and couldn't fit in the house, I realized I'd dug myself so deep into a hole, I couldn't imagine a way out.
So, I started digging.
I dug and dug, bailing water and moving possessions that now seemed like junk, but I just kept sinking deeper.
A voice in my head told me this was going to be a long and difficult journey. Imagine looking at your life and knowing that everything that lies ahead is more pain than you can imagine, years of it.
I knew there was no easy way to turn things around. All I could do was work and survive.
This is a key teaching of BJJ. First learn to survive, conserve your energy, wear out your opponent and then turn the tables.
Time passed and I endured failure after failure, unimaginable experiences and isolation. My only friends for years were my children. My body was broken and in constant pain.
Eventually, I could see the money was going to run out and I made a last attempt to save my marriage, only to be told I was a failure and just needed to find a way to keep things up. So, I moved out our 5000 square foot Mansion into the cheapest one-bedroom apartment I could find that felt safe.
The harassment started immediately and the manipulation of my children to get revenge and force me to provide money I didn't have. My now ex-wife hired expensive lawyers and tried to take my kids away. I barely had the strength to fight.
And then there was COVID, more isolation, constant verbal abuse and daily emergencies with the kids. I took it all and just kept putting one foot forward. Year after year until I finally got my Divorce from a Judge that simply saw me as Disneyland Dad and never looked beneath the hood.
Along the way I met my amazing partner Susan, who was on her own journey to rebuild her life after a horrible marriage and divorce. At least we could face things together.
Just as the Divorce finalized, the last of my income faded, as I had sold off the remaining equity in my company some time before. The Judge didn't accept my explanation, and I ended up with a massive Alimony and Child Support burden that I couldn't pay starting day one.
So, I borrowed from family and made a big push to launch my business, which failed. I knew I lacked the strength and foundation need but I tried anyway, because I had to.
Within less than a year, I had almost no income, no way to pay rent and started exploring ways to be homeless.
Fortunately, Susan and I discovered Trusted Housesitters. With all of our belongings in storage, we spent 18-months on the road and have 37 five-star reviews pet sitting in locations from Atascadero to Ferndale. Sorry, we are no longer accepting requests.
Finding work while moving locations nearly every two-weeks proved challenging, but I ended up with a few contracts and eventually something more stable at Tango.
For more than 6-years, my entire world focused on one thing, Survival, for myself, for Susan and for my kids.
By March of 2024, six years into my journey, I was able to engineer a way to get off the road and we settled into the most affordable 3-bedroom place we could find in Olympia, WA that felt safe.
One of the first things I did, once I had my feet on the ground in Olympia, was to check out the BJJ gym right near me.
I worried that I hadn’t learned my lessons and would just hurt myself. But I also knew that I couldn’t escape my desire to learn the Art. So I joined.
Right from the start I felt welcomed and supported in taking things at my own pace. I also realized just how much I had let myself slide. My body and my mind had become so weak. But I kept showing up.
And one day, the Sensei (actually he just likes to be called Robert) said something that has shaped my every action since hearing it.
"Forget about trying for some kind of submission or even winning. Focus on what you can do, right in the moment that avoids making things worse and makes your position just a little bit stronger."
Instantly I understood what I needed to do to change my circumstances. I need to rebuild my power, step by step.
So, I jumped into my work and into the Seattle area business community, meeting as many people as I could and re-learning the business world that I had lost connection to. From those connections I got tapped into numerous groups, online and in-person events, and discovered a supportive world I hadn't realized existed.
I also spent hours and days working on my own plans and creating a Personal Strategy, a roadmap for where I want to be 3 months, a year, 3 years from now.
I'm still right at the beginning of that Journey but I've already made amazing connections and huge strides in clarifying the value I have to offer to others. Looking at my opportunities today relative to a year ago I have reason to feel positive, finally, and I have a path forward.
Of course, I will update this story as time goes by, because there are more lessons to come, I am sure.
If I can offer a piece of advice from my experience, it's this. Understand your situation and align mentally to the conditions.
When your world is falling down around you, don't struggle against forces you can't defeat, survive and then gradually rebuild your power one step at a time.
Your time will come.
Here's the BJJ Gym if you want to check it out.
https://bjjolympia.com/
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